Grief is painful enough on its own—but when it feels like your loss is not recognised or supported, it can be even harder to bear. This is often called disenfranchised grief: grief that is hidden, minimised, or dismissed by others.
What Is Disenfranchised Grief?
Disenfranchised grief happens when the world doesn’t see your loss as “valid” or “worthy” of mourning. This might be because of who or what you’ve lost, the circumstances of the loss, or the way people around you respond.
Examples include:
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The death of a pet, which some may not understand as deeply significant
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Miscarriage or infertility, which can leave grief unspoken and unsupported
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The end of a friendship, or the loss of a relationship others didn’t know about
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Losses connected to stigma, such as addiction, estrangement, or suicide
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Grieving someone who is still alive but no longer present due to illness, dementia, or separation
When others minimise or ignore your grief, you may feel isolated, ashamed, or unable to talk about your pain.
Why It Hurts So Much
Grief needs space—it needs to be expressed, witnessed, and honoured. When that doesn’t happen, the loss can feel heavier, and the grieving person can feel very alone. Without acknowledgment, it can be hard to process what has happened and to find ways to heal.
Counselling and Disenfranchised Grief
In counselling, your grief is always valid. You don’t need to justify it or explain why it matters. Here, there is space for your feelings, however complex or difficult they might be.
Together, we can:
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Explore your grief in a safe, supportive environment
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Give words to feelings you may have had to keep hidden
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Honour your loss, even if others don’t understand it
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Find ways of integrating your grief into your life in a way that brings relief and meaning
You Don’t Have to Carry It Alone
If you’re struggling with disenfranchised grief, please know that your pain is real, and it deserves care and attention.
I offer in-person counselling in Clydebank and online sessions across the UK. You’re welcome to reach out for a free 15-minute consultation to see how I might support you.